SSA: A Mom’s Perspective (Guest Post)
My name is Donna, and I’d like to tell you about my son.
Bryan is my second child, coming four years after his big brother, Jayson, and on his dad’s 31st birthday. He didn’t have a swollen and scrunched up face like some newborns, but was beautiful from the very beginning. His paternal grandfather was from Mexico and his maternal grandmother was from Ireland, and he has the features and temperaments of both cultures.
As a toddler, Bryan had blond hair and blue eyes. His hair turned dark but he kept his clear blue eyes. He loved My Little Pony and Care Bears, and he’d boldly tell you he didn’t like playing with boys’ toys. As he got older, he constantly teased his brother because he knew Jayson wasn’t allowed to hit him. Poor Jayson. Bryan was like the annoying fly that you can’t chase off.
Bryan was a sensitive child. Even the threat of a spanking would scare him enough to stop misbehaving. (But we didn’t have to threaten too often.) He excelled in school and his teachers told me he was a joy to have in class. He loved music and started taking piano lessons at age nine. We never had to make him practice; in fact, we often told him to stop practicing because we couldn’t hear the television. He had a real musical gift, but also worked hard to become better. As a teenager, he was involved with the school choirs. He was always singing, and at an early age began writing his own music. He also wrote lots of poetry and short stories.
After high school, Bryan attended college while working part time at Blockbuster. Not his favorite job. Let’s just say customer service is not his strong point. Oh yeah, I forgot he waited tables too. For one day. Again, customer service was a factor. Later he landed a government job, the last of the four Magañas to earn a paycheck off the backs of the American taxpayer. Even though it was a full-time job, he continued his education and earned his master’s degree.
Bryan attended church with us since day one. In recent years, he encouraged me and his father to research Reformed doctrine and was there to answer our many questions. He’s one of the music leaders in our church, and puts his heart and soul into teaching us new songs with a strong gospel message.
He’s unashamedly pro-life and has volunteered his time, talent and treasures to the local Pregnancy Care Center. He also “adopted” a child with the World Vision organization. He has a strong desire to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. He loves the God of the Bible, his family, and his many friends (including the entire Emadi clan). He enjoys Reformed theology, reading, taking naps, Ireland, hiking, cheese, LOST, Chopped, entertaining friends, and decorating for Christmas. He does not like getting up early, tomatoes, haters, and just about anything Joel Osteen says.
As a mother, I’m very proud of his accomplishments, both personally and professionally. He’s the type of son that every mother wants.
Oh, did I mention he’s attracted to men?
Maybe the reason I didn’t is because that’s not something that defines him. What does define him is that he’s a disciple of Jesus Christ, fearfully and wonderfully made, chosen by God from before the foundations of the world, set apart for salvation. God is preserving him and perfecting him so that he will one day stand in the glory of His presence.
That being said, Bryan, like each of us, was born with a sinful nature. We all struggle with the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (1 John 2:16). Including sexual sin. Every single one of us.
When did I know? I think I always knew, but I prayed that I might be wrong. I believe God was preparing me beforehand so that when Bryan confessed his struggles to us it wouldn’t be too much of a shock. Needless to say, his father and I embraced him, prayed with him, and made sure he knew how much we loved him. That will never change.
He didn’t tell anybody else for a long time, but he knew he could come to us when he was feeling forsaken or rejected. Our responsibility as Christian parents was to remind him of God’s promise to never leave him or forsake him. God never promised us an easy life in this world. This world is not our home, and when we do eventually come home, we will be separated from all our sins permanently.
In recent years, Bryan felt God leading him to a ministry of helping others who reject what seems “natural” to them. Since having what he calls “the conversation” with close friends, pastors and coworkers, he’s been continually blessed by the encouragement he’s been shown. In fact, the only negative or ugly comments have come from strangers who criticize him for his decision to remain celibate and not “be true to himself.” And this from some who profess to be Christian.
You see, Bryan believes there’s something more important than satisfying the flesh. It’s not enough to just believe in God, but you must live to honor God. And that includes obeying His holy Word, even those parts you don’t like or understand. Our “light and momentary troubles” in this world will pass (2 Corinthians 4:17). When you live for His glory, your own wants and desires become insignificant. Bryan has determined that, instead of giving in to the pull of homosexuality, he will remain celibate to the glory of God. So I don’t grieve for Bryan because he has same-sex attraction. Instead, I rejoice with him, because when he stands before a holy and just God, he will hear the words “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
See also, “SSA: A Dad’s Perspective.”