Straight Idolatry

Bryan

I admit it. I’ve tried to “pray the gay away.” I’ve spent nights on my knees, asking God to take away my homosexual desires. Any Christian who struggles with same-sex attraction has probably done the same, and rightly so. Casting our cares on God should be the first thing we do (1 Peter 5:7). So yes, I’ve prayed for change. And if you read last week’s post, you know that change hasn’t come.

But what if it worked? What if one day I woke up and discovered I was completely, miraculously straight?

Well, the straight me wouldn’t be much different. I’d still be a sinner saved by grace, no more worthy of God’s love than I am today. I’d have some new thorn in the flesh, another cross to bear, different sins to kill. Yes, if tomorrow I woke up straight, I’d still be pretty much like everybody else.

For a long time I thought overcoming same-sex attraction would somehow make me a better Christian. Maybe it would speed up the sanctification process. Maybe then I could focus on some of my “smaller” sins. So I prayed for change. But rather than asking God to make me holy, I asked him to make me heterosexual. Jesus ended up taking a backseat to my morality. Heterosexuality became my hope, my goal, my god.

That’s straight idolatry.

As it turns out, I had a bigger problem than same-sex attraction. I’d become obsessed with my idol, the heterosexual me. My desire for change outweighed my love for Christ. Thankfully, God’s got a history of destroying idols. He reminded me that Christ alone must be my first and greatest desire. He can’t be a means to an end (however biblical that end may be). He is the end. What I needed most was not a change in my sexual orientation; I needed to reorient my worship.

Make no mistake, though. I’ve been changed. Maybe it’s not the change I asked for, but it’s the change I needed. Sure, being straight would be great. But knowing I’m a sinner saved by grace is even better (Ephesians 2:8-9). Knowing I’m not made righteous through moral success in my fight against same-sex attraction, but through the substitutionary death of Christ on the cross. Knowing that, for now, I still wrestle with the flesh, but someday Jesus will make all things new.

Even me.

Bryan can be reached at The Happy Alternative

Bryan
Bryan leads worship at his church and enjoys traveling, singing, playing games, hiking, and eating out.

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You might also enjoy…

17 responses to “Straight Idolatry”

  1. Patricia

    Bryan,
    You’ve really nailed it in this post. Many evangelical churches in the U.S. offer recovery programs for every sort of addiction or bent-ness. While I believe that they are essential and are a great service and support to those struggling with their particular “thorns” healing way to often becomes an end in and of itself.
    Our true calling as Christians is to a person—the person Jesus Christ. It is to a place—resting in him in the knowledge that we are fully accepted, completely forgiven, and perfectly loved. The ultimate end for us all is not our emotional, sexual, or physical health but our holiness and our union with the Lover of our souls.
    Thank you for your insightful post.

    Reply
  2. Sam

    Short but sweet. Excellent; thanks for writing this! Can I use this in a class I’m teaching on “Intro to Philosophy”?

    Reply
    1. Bryan Magana

      If you think it’d be useful, I’m not opposed to you sharing it with your class.

      Reply
      1. Sam

        Nice. Thanks!

        Reply
  3. Stephen

    Wow. In all the arguments I’ve heard and literature I’ve read on both gay-affirming theology and homophobic theology, this is the most intelligent and Truth-filled thing I’ve read on the subject. Thanks for blessing us!

    Reply
  4. Ryan

    Overwhelmed by your past few posts, Bryan… So good.

    Reply
  5. Marta

    Once again, Bryan, your clear writing goes directly to the heart of the matter. Spotlighting Christ through all our earthbound battles is what allows us to see the reason for the cross. Thank you and please keep talking to us.

    Reply
  6. Jack

    Wow. I have put heterosexuality before Him for so long. Begged and cried at night for Him to not only take away my same-sex attraction, but also the alcoholism I deal with. I idolize heterosexual people because they seem to be what is “normal” in society. This has been such a blessing to read. I realize now my sin and everything I have been focusing on have become my idols on some twisted way to make me a better Christian. I think, “If I can beat this, I can focus on my ‘lesser’ sins.” I have even gone as far as saying, “God fix my homosexuality and I will be sober”, or the other way around. Instead of focusing on him I focused on my temptations and thinking, “how can You love me when I am so screwed up?” This just made me realize how selfish I am, and how much he does not care what my temptations are, as long as I put him first. My temptations and mistakes… Do not define who I am as a Christian.

    Thank you.

    Reply
    1. Adam

      Jack, thanks for sharing your struggles! I think that often heterosexuals do the same thing. We think that if we can be better that maybe we can deserve His love; if I can beat the sexual attractions, if I can just beat this porn/alcohol/drug addiction, if I can just beat the sin problem whatever it may be I will earn God’s love. The truth is that WE cannot beat our sin problem, but, luckily we don’t have to, because God through Christ has (1 Corinthians 15:57). I’ve known so many Christan men that let their sexual sins define their walk, both homo and hetero. What glorious knowledge it is that Christ alone defines our walk!

      Be blessed brother!

      Reply
    2. Bryan Magana

      Jack, I’m so encouraged by your story. Most of all that you’re learning to define yourself not by temptations or weaknesses, but by your union with Christ. This article is for everyone, not just those who struggle with same-sex attraction. I’m praying for you, brother. Let’s not grow weary or give up (Galatians 6:9).

      Reply
      1. Katherine

        I’m not attracted to the same sex, but I related to this because I made finding a Husband my top priority and said “I would be normal or happy” if only I had this or that. Now, I am married and want nothing more to look like a model…or someone who is very pretty and athletic. I find myself looking at fitness magazines idolizing women who “look” perfect and only wish I could look like that. I know most men love seeing half naked women on the TV or wherever and wish God would not allow this. It makes it such a struggle to watch anything with my husband or know that he watches certain things because there are half dressed or nude women in it! But this is what I want to look like? I don’t want attraction from men, I just feel like I would feel better about myself if I looked this way…I think. I try everyday and every night says, God tomorrow its going to happen. I’ll stop drinking soda and work out and eat right everyday! I’ll look great, finally. I just know that once one temptation ends the other one begins to open up more. It’s about that relationship you have with our Savior. Believing that he can heal us and he has healed us in the past. Looking a way on the outside does not compromise your relationship with God.

        Reply
  7. Chris Kirkham

    Well said, Brian. I respect your conviction and the trial you face. I’m glad you can find a peace in hardship.

    Reply
  8. Yvonne

    This is a great follow up article, you are continually in [our] prayers. Love you!

    Reply
  9. PG

    I asked last week about the ache in the heart, but it has been that ache that has driven me to God. I wanted God to take away my SSA more than I wanted God himself.
    Rom 1:25 worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator

    Reply
  10. A Kinda Gay Q&A | The Two Cities

    […] Straight Idolatry […]

    Reply
  11. What I Didn’t Say About Homosexuality | Impact Blog

    […] Straight Idolatry – Bryan’s reflections on the desire for straight sexual preferences. […]

    Reply
  12. What I Didn’t Say About Homosexuality | RHCC High School Blog

    […] Straight Idolatry – Bryan’s reflections on the desire for straight sexual preferences. […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Yvonne Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *