I’ve recently been reading on how shame relates to the fear of failure (McGregor & Elliot, 2005). They argue that shame is core to the fear of failure, as those who have a fear of failure also tend to experience higher levels of shame. I also recently watched this interview with journalist Lisa Ling by the Fung brothers. She comments on how Asian Americans often have a fear of failure, so that they tend to remain in their comfort zones, which keep them from taking risks and growing. Lisa Ling shares her story of how getting out of her comfort zone has made her feel alive and given her opportunities that she would have never had.
As I reflect on how this shame and fear of failure affects the Asian American community through my research and my own life, it makes me wonder what it would be like if I lived without this fear of failure, and what kind of risks I would take. I wonder what kinds of opportunities that God has given me in the past or present that I failed to take because of my own feelings of inadequacy and my desire to play it safe.
This morning at church, I was listening to the Sunday message on John 6 of Jesus feeding the five thousand. Our pastor focused on the interaction between Jesus and Philip. Moved with compassion for the crowds of people who were following him, Jesus says to Philip, “Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?” (vs. 5). John also notes that Jesus knew what he was going to do, but asks this question to test Philip (vs. 6), showing how he is concerned with helping Philip grow in his faith. Philip responds, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread would not be enough for each of them to get a little.” Instead of answering Jesus question, Philip is too focused on the adequacies that he misses the answer that’s right in front of him. Philip had witnessed Jesus’ previous miracles, yet he lacked faith in this moment to see the opportunity before him. This point made me think about how as Asian Americans, we also often focus on our inadequacies, that we miss the opportunity to trust in Christ to do things beyond we can ever ask or imagine.
I wonder what freedom we would live in if we were guided by the Holy Spirit, trusted in the power of Christ, and partnered with Him for His Kingdom work. Understanding our identity in Christ that we are beloved children of God can transform our shame and fears. Yet, sometimes God does give us tests and trials to help purify our faith, and even if we lack faith in some areas, God continues to grow and refine us. Even in the example of Philip who lacks faith in this instance in John 6, we see that he is the first evangelist to the Gentiles as he tells the Ethiopian eunuch the gospel in Acts 8. The example of Philip gives me hope that God continues to transform and grow us, and helps us overcome our shame and fears.
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