ATLANTA, GA – This past November (2015) the Cheesological Society had their annual meeting to discuss one thing: cheese, of course. At this annual meeting there was a session dedicated to the relationship between Mozarella and cheese. The two plenaries were given by Jack McGouda and N.T. Swiss. McGouda argued that Mozarella was such a special cheese, a cheese that was chosen long ago as the best sort of cheese. This cheese has distinct qualities from all other cheeses, and thus should be treated as something in its own category. McGouda actually argued that Mozarella is so good that it should be outside the realm of normal cheese. Mozzarella should not be considered a subset of cheese because its too special. Any account of Mozarella, for McGouda, that doesn’t “literally” think that Mozarella is absolutely unique should be charged with the label, “supercheesionist.” “Supercheesionism” is the belief that Mozzarella has been replaced by cheese. N.T. Swiss suggested, by contrast, that Mozzarella can still be acknowledged as a type of cheese that is still a subset of the larger category of cheese. The following dialogue between N.T. Swiss and Jack McGouda ensued:
Swiss: “Cheese is good.”
McGouda “Wow, you supercheesionist! You don’t leave room for Mozzarella!”
Swiss: “I’m saying that all cheeses, to the Mozzarella first and then to the Bleu, are equally good.”
McGouda: “But what about the unique goodness of Mozzarella?!”
Swiss: “Both Mozzarella and Bleu are good, because they are both cheese, and all cheese is good.”
McGouda: “SUCH A SUPERCHEESIONIST!!”
Swiss: “I am saying that Mozzarella is still good. I’m just saying other cheeses, like Bleu or Cheddar, can be grafted into the category of good cheese. Both receive the equal label of great cheese, even if they are distinct types of cheeses.
McGouda: “Look, all I’m calling for is for people to start taking Mozzarella LITERALLY. I mean, when we say ‘Mozarella is good’, Mozarella means Mozarella, doesn’t it? If Mozarella means its still a type of cheese, that would just be ridiculous! By calling both cheese and Mozarella good, you push out any special place for Mozarella. And you replace Mozarella with cheese.”
Swiss: “I’m confused. How can I replace Mozarella with cheese when cheese includes the category of Mozarella? I am saying that Mozarella, along with Gouda, are both included in ‘cheese’ and are both considered good, because everything that is cheese is good. How am I replacing Mozarella when I am just saying that there is more to ‘good’ cheese than Mozarella?”
McGouda: “What you are doing is ignoring the special place of Mozarella. Mozarella was always everyone’s favorite cheese. They chose cheese as a special cheese, and if people also begin to think that other cheeses are special too, that means that you have ignored Mozarella altogether. You just can’t make cheese replace Mozarella.”
Swiss: “That’s right. You can’t. Because that would make no sense. Mozarella is included with in the category of cheese. And all cheese is good.”
McGouda yelled ‘Supercheesionist’ multiple times.
The audience was visibly confused at such yelling, but McGouda rambled again for a few minutes about taking cheese literally. N. T. Swiss sighed and walked off the panel.
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