One of the things that I get to do to kick off Sunday services is to host the servant leaders prayer meeting. Generally, I try to put a relational spin to it, just so there isn’t this daunting vibe that’s hanging over the group right before they meet and encourage the arriving crowds. When we began, I shared a bit how everything’s been stressful and busy. Immediately, our mischievous praise leader commented and asked, “So, who’s the bigger ‘zilla’”? That definitely helped hype up and encourage our Sunday celebration team!
But my people-pleasing-pastoring issues can’t help to reflect and think about what was said. While still in the process (as of writing this post), I can confess that there have been moments where I could have potentially become a Groomzilla. As funny as it sounds, I find that the issue is much deeper rooted than a common connotation or comic relief.
Sadly, having been a pastor for a large, mega-church has it’s impact to the personal soul. Not too long ago in a prayer meeting, I shared about my struggles (as I can relate so well to this post by J.A. Medders) and how it’s really changed not just my job performance, but even how I operate outside the church walls. Unfortunately, it’s bled over into the wedding planning process and we all know the importance of the “big day”. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience that brings so much meaning as a testament of the gospel as Timothy Keller writes, but also emotionally to the life of the husband and wife. What is the result of this? We want to make sure this day goes as smooth as possible…
As an Executive Pastor, my role is to make sure that the everyday operations go according to plan. We’re not just talking about making sure the hospitality lead shows up, but making sure all the light bulbs are working, toilet paper is stocked, projectors are functional, etc. With a little bit of managing, it can easily be done. If something were to go wrong, at least I’m there to assist to clean things up…
…and that’s the root of the fear. Knowing that I won’t be there, knowing that I won’t be running around like a headless chicken, knowing that I probably won’t even take a bite of my $30 entree is what brings out the inner Groomzilla. That means I need to be dependent on others to make sure anything and everything is executed with precise finesse. While this sense of wanting to host everyone well is great motivation, the drive is eating my human soul away. I’ve begun to grow thicker (leathery) skin from others, my tone and diction turn into harsh imperatives, and I realize that my gas bill has skyrocketed because I’m the one driving around and getting everything. Even while writing this, my keyboard clicks have gotten louder and louder…
It’s only recently when I had a conversation with my fiancée, we both realized that something will go wrong–it can be with parents, it can be with the venue, something may catch on fire (wouldn’t be surprised in early August). For me, the turning point was when my mother told me that someone said how “inelegant” it was to use Google Form to maintain our guest list. Internally, I was thinking, “Man, this person doesn’t have to come if they think that way!” Ultimately, it goes back to the presentation and modeling of the gospel. In our wedding, most attendees may have a personal conviction with Christ, but many don’t. It’ll be easy (and justified?) to blow up on someone during this hectic time and I’m sure everyone will understand. Obviously, not very gospel-centered. So even in this process, I’m learning how to give up control and grow in humility.
But besides reality television, I’ve never seen a Groomzilla. Maybe I can add to that unique statistic…
Here are some bonus resources regarding the Groomzilla:
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