I need a Scholarship to be a Scholar

It’s funny to think about how expensive education is. These repositories of knowledge called Universities that provide the key to a better future. First, they require you to leverage that future in the form of student loans. 30k later and half a Masters degree (the 1st 20k was from those good old undergrad years) and I am just now figuring that out. By the time I am done with my education I could possibly spend over $100,000 [update: final total with PhD- over a quarter of a million dollars, that’s $250,000!] for a fancy piece of paper, a little prestige, and the ability to teach others while they wallow in their own debt, wondering how to buy groceries for their kids.

Sadly, receiving a “Christian” education is even more expensive than a secular education, because “Christian”  means “private”, which, in turn, means $$$. It seems that Darwin was right by some accounts; a person’s education and the future of education as a whole is based on the fittest or fattest wallet.

I wonder what the world would be like if someone were to offer free non-merit based higher-education. Would the local economy go up? Would gas prices go down? Would colleges have gang signs etched into the toilet seats and graphic art on the bathroom stall walls? Would the private Christian education bubble burst and unsaved kids might actually meet Jesus in the classroom?

Ah, but that is why we have scholarships! So the underprivileged sons of the middle-class working man, like me, can attend a fancy University. But, we all know that scholarship money provides just enough to entice us to enroll in the institution. So, we turn to student loans in order to buy Mac & Cheese to feed the kids, warm socks, and the occasional soccer ball for entertainment. Higher-education is supposed to make our future look bright, but, actually, the hole which we find ourselves in afterwards is dark smelling of fatalistic necessity and institutional corruption.

How does acquiring this sanctified debt prepare me for the mission field? How does a monthly payment of hundreds of dollars make me a better Pastor (or God forbid the underfunded and unappreciated Youth Pastor)? How does buying overprice textbooks help me learn more about the free gift of grace? Maybe we can recoup some of the costs by charging for discipleship? Or, at very least, require a minimum donation.

I can’t help but wistfully think that, maybe, some founding university president set all of this up by accidentally misconstruing Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s thoughts on “this” subject when he read the following quote out of context: “…. a nation became Christian and Lutheran, but at the cost of true discipleship. The price it was called upon to pay was all to cheap.” Raise those prices, we got a great product to sell, everlasting life and how to use it. For a limited time only we will throw in a 10% discount because you are a grad student.

A Tongue and Cheek Blog by Josh Carroll

You might also enjoy…

  • Obsession with special guest Dr. Laura Robinson (Podcast)
    Carrying on with spooky season, in this episode, we discuss the 2026 film, Obsession. We’re joined by a special guest, Dr. Laura Robinson, who teaches NT as an adjunct at Butler University and Christian Theological Seminary, co- hosts the New Testament Review podcast, writes at her Substack, Not Peer Reviewed, and has a forthcoming publication called That’s Not What the Bible Says (Eerdmans). Over the course of our conversation, we discuss monkey paw stories, possession narratives, wish fulfillment, coercion, and what “love” has to do it. Team members on the episode from The Two Cities include: Dr. John Anthony Dunne, Dr. Brandon Hurlbert, and Rev. Dr. Madison Pierce.
  • Widow’s Bay (Podcast)
    In this episode, we’re talking about the Emmy Award-winning show on Apple TV, Widow’s Bay. We discuss our favorite moments, why it’s such a great…
  • Concerning Dust and Ashes with Professor Brandon Grafius (Podcast)
    In this episode, we’re joined by Dr. Brandon Grafius, who is academic dean and professor of biblical studies at Ecumenical Theological Seminary in Detroit, Michigan,…
  • Be Afraid with Dr. Kutter Callaway (Podcast)
    In this episode, we are joined by Dr. Kutter Callaway, the William K. Brehm Chair of Worship, Theology, and the Arts and Associate Professor of…
  • Death of the Pastor’s Wife with Special Guest Aimee Byrd (Podcast)
    CW: Abuse, Spiritual Abuse, Grooming, Self-Harm In this episode, we’re joined by special guest Aimee Byrd to help us debrief the three-part docu-series on Netflix,…
  • The Four Senses of Scripture with Dr. Patrick Schreiner
    In this episode we’re joined by Dr. Patrick Schreiner, who is Professor of New Testament and Biblical Theology, Gene and Jo Downing Endowed Chair of…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *