Breaking “Good”

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).

This past weekend, I went on a church retreat with Bethel English Church at Oak Glen Christian Conference Center. While I really enjoyed being away from the city, and out in nature, the messages during this retreat were also quite impactful to me. Our speaker talked about the ways the Gospel frees us from performance-driven faith, in trying to do good things to earn God’s approval, and how the Gospel is all about grace, and how we already have God’s approval through Christ. While I’ve heard the truth of the gospel so many times – that it is all about grace, and not about the good things that I’ve done, and although I intellectually know this truth, actually understanding this truth in my heart and living it out is a daily battle. Even though I’ve experienced God’s amazing grace in the past, and have seen how it’s not about any of the good things that I have done, it seems as if I easily forget, and I again take on this “yoke of slavery.” There are so many expectations I put on myself: to be a “good” Christian, a “good” worker, a “good” student, a “good” fiancee, a “good” daughter, a “good” friend. All of these expectations keep me working, pushing, striving to do more, to earn the approval of the people around me. It is a like an addiction – a kind of workaholism – that keeps me from resting, that makes me feel guilty for not doing enough.

Yet, the Gospel of grace tells me that I am already loved and accepted by God through Christ, and not because of anything I’ve done. It breaks me from this constant striving as I don’t need to keep on trying to earn love and approval from others. I am free in knowing that Christ has already done the hard work on the cross, and that His finished work on the cross frees me from having to earn God’s approval. I am a child of God. While I know this truth in my head and have heard it so many times, to deeply believe it in my heart is something that is always a struggle, and that I need God’s Spirit to remind me daily of my identity in Him.

In admitting my weakness, my brokenness, and my failures to God, I am freed to receive His grace and forgiveness, to know that I no longer have to be bound to the heavy burdens of these expectations. I won’t please everyone, but that’s alright, because God is already well-pleased with me, not because of anything I’ve done, but because of what Christ has already done. And this Gospel truth frees me from constantly thinking about myself, and the ways I look and appear to others, and instead frees me to genuinely love others. It is a Gospel that constantly turns my life upside down, that challenges my natural tendencies, and helps me see that everything is by God’s grace and not by my own doing.

I’m also freed to be honest with others, to tell them about my struggles. Being honest with friends on this retreat, and being prayed for by them in this place of vulnerability, was so powerful. I am grateful for the love and grace of others around me, that help me see God’s love in a tangible way, and for the power of God’s Spirit who brings healing, restoration, and rest to my weary soul.