What is Forgiveness?

Raymond Morehouse

In a couple of weeks I will be giving a short sermon on the subject of forgiveness. I knew from the outset that this was not a “safe” topic for me. Forgiveness does not come easy for me, especially in the places that it really matters, that is, in the places where the perceived wrongs are very real and very painful. I have also realized that “forgiveness” is not something that I have ever thought very deeply about, and as a result my own approach to forgiving others has lacked a real sophistication that the act requires.

Up until now I think that “forgiveness” has meant, in my own mind, more of a state of mind than a group of actions. Another way to put this is that “forgiveness” has been something passive rather than something active. If forgiveness is passive then I can forgive simply by changing the way I think about someone. “Forgiveness” can be an armchair exercise; it can be something quietly and personally dealt with on my own.

I’ve begun to realize that this is insufficient, but in order to achieve some sufficiency I’ve had to really work out the process. Here is where I am for the time being, and I would very much welcome input and critique from you, the reader.

The first step is to ask the question, “Have I really been wronged?” There are plenty of things that I am upset and/or offended by that I shouldn’t be. I have to examine these situations and really come to terms with the fact that it’s possible that I am upset or offended for the wrong reasons, and thus need to change my own thinking about the situation. If I haven’t really been wronged, then I don’t need to forgive. However, if I truly have been wronged then the situation calls for forgiveness. Pretty simple, but with deep significance:

Principle #1: True forgiveness is only appropriate if I have truly been wronged, therefore forgiveness means recognizing, rather than ignoring, that the other person is in the wrong.

This circumvents one of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness which may create one of the biggest obstacles to true forgiveness. Forgiveness is not looking at a wrong and saying, “That’s OK.” The first step is actually the opposite. To forgive is precisely not to condone. There is also a second principle that flows out of the fact that only what is truly wrong can be truly forgiven:

Principle #2: If I have been truly wronged then that means that God cares about what has happened to me, and he cares about it more than I do.

All sins are ultimately against God. This means that what I can’t think is that a wrong against me is uniquely my business, and that it is within my rights to deal with on my own terms. This is exactly what Paul is getting at in Romans 12.19:

“Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

 Notice the logic: The reason we are not to take revenge is not that we need to be avoid being “judgmental” or even an appeal to God’s gracious and merciful character (though that has a part to play) but that God’s wrath is a reality, and vengeance belongs to him. Vengeance is His business, not ours. This leads to the next principle.

Principle #3: We fail to forgive when we forget that God is dangerous on our behalf.

Unforgiveness is an act of unfaithfulness. It is an act that takes seeks to steal something that only belongs to God. Unforgiveness steps into a sphere that is reserved for God’s wrath, and it takes initiative in a sphere that is outside of our reckoning.

What I mean by that is this: God knows who is truly His, and ultimate justice for each and every one of us is His concern. When I fail to forgive I am trying to circumvent the justice of God. Applied to the believer, this justice is fulfilled by our incorporation into Christ. What right do I have to condemn one whom God has pardoned? Applied to the unbeliever, the final verdict is still out. God’s mercy is expressed in His patience. In his sovereignty He allows time for repentance. I don’t get access to that timeline, and so it is beyond my rights or knowledge to try to take the law into my own hands. Again, who am I to condemn one whom God may pardon, and with whom he is currently mercifully patient?

So what do I do in the meantime? Paul answers this question for us as well:

“But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” (Rom. 12.20)

Rather than taking revenge, we ought to actively provide for the needs of our enemies. To this we could also add the actions prescribed in Romans 12.9, 14-15, 17-18, and many more. This leads to the final principle:

 Principle #4: True forgiveness is embodied in concrete actions towards those who are our enemies.

The state of mind behind these actions is, of course, also very important, but forgiveness must also be much, much more than mere thought. There is certainly a lot more to be said, but I will leave it here. I would love hear your insights, critiques, and questions in the comments section.

Raymond Morehouse
Raymond is currently in St. Andrews, Scotland, where he is working on a PhD in New Testament with N.T. Wright.

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6 responses to “What is Forgiveness?”

  1. Edward Pillar

    Hi – thank you for your thoughts and reflections… I was struck by your mention of wrath, vengeance, condemnation… These are all heavy terms and loaded it seems to me with ideas of retribution. It made me wonder who are thinking about when you reflect on forgiveness. who is it that has done such harm that requires a response of wrath, vengeance etc…?!
    Forgiveness has I think to be related to relationship. I can pontificate about forgiveness for those who are far removed from me – political leaders, those we term terrorists, those we hear about who commit heinous crimes and so on. But it seems to me that until we reckon with forgiving those close to us – that is, when forgiveness involves the rebuilding of relationship, I’m not sure that we engage with what forgiveness is really about.
    I wonder…we forgive, not because we are commanded to – that is: not because it is a duty to forgive, but because our heart is led by love. We forgive because we have been blessed by God and desire to be a blessing – even to those who have hurt us. We forgive because forgiveness is about relationship and relationship is at the heart of God… We forgive because we find the idea of wrath, vengeance and retribution offensive…

    hmmm – a few thoughts…not very developed…but,

    Please forgive me (!) if these thoughts are spoken out of turn…
    Blessings

    Reply
    1. Raymond Morehouse

      Hey Edward, thanks for these comments!

      You are absolutely right about forgiveness being part of the process of rebuilding relationship, but I think that it is only one part. The commenter below mentions reconciliation, and I think that that word captures a second step that comes after, and goes beyond, mere forgiveness. This is because forgiveness is one way. I don’t need the other person’s permission to forgive, and they don’t necessary even need to change. They may stay an enemy. So rebuilding a relationship, something perhaps even beyond mere reconciliation, is something that involves the other party even more, it seems to me. However, we forgive before either reconciliation or relationship come about. This is very important, I think.

      Second, you say that “We forgive because we find the idea of wrath, vengeance, and retribution offensive.” I agree to a point, but only if we are talking about wrath, vengeance, and retribution on our own part and for our own sake. I think that Paul’s works need to be taken very seriously. God’s wrath, vengeance, and retribution should not offend us because they are part of His righteousness. Paul directly connects these actions of God to our own attitude towards taking revenge, and this should not be ignored!

      And your thoughts are incredibly welcome, certainly not out of turn, and very valuable!

      Reply
  2. Tim Sams

    This is really good, well done. There are two points that I would add that I have found are critical about understanding forgiveness:

    1. Forgiveness means release. You’re kind of talking about this but stating it like this helps people get their heads around it and reorient their thinking on it. Through an act of your will, you’re specifically saying that you will not hold this trauma over them. This is huge and difficult and needs to be done through process. However, it’s vital for healing.

    2. However, forgiveness is separate from consequence: You can forgive someone and still call the cops. Consequences for actions/hurts/etc. are not nullified with forgiveness. It would be irresponsible to preach and not mention this. This is a difficult path for us to understand but it’s important–and it’s also part of healing.

    3. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation: Reconciliation is the next step but you can forgive and not be reconciled. Reconciliation requires both parties to acknowledge the hurt–if that’s not the case, then reconciliation cannot happen. You can forgive someone without them acknowledging that they did anything wrong, but you can’t reconcile. This is an important step but not mandated.

    Related to point 1, forgiveness is stopping the trauma from having any more power over you. It’s an orientation of the heart. It’s why the Amish were so quick to forgive–they knew that they needed to in order to heal. And they were anxious to do that. The calls to them by people saying their forgiveness was “too quick” were made by people who don’t understand forgiveness and think that it’s a pass.

    No, forgiveness is about releasing that person from their grip on your life. It’s about YOUR healing.

    Coupled with those other points you made (particularly about God’s sovereignty–that was key), I think this will turn out to be a powerful sermon.

    By the way–when you give this sermon, tread carefully on the part determining whether you’ve truly been wrong. This is indeed an important point, but folks will easily misunderstand you as minimizing their pain even though that’s not what you mean at all. Choose your words carefully to explain clearly what you’re talking about, maybe even an example.

    Hang on to this sermon. It’s one you’re going to want to work on, revise and use often throughout your career. It’s a message that never gets old and needs to be said, often.

    Reply
    1. Raymond Morehouse

      Thanks for these points Tim! It’s almost as if you were sitting in on our teaching team meeting this afternoon, because these are exactly the issues we covered. Each of your three points must be worked in some way, though I am still thinking through exactly how. Its a big subject to cover in one morning!

      Reply
  3. Lynda Lillard

    Excellent! You hit the nail on the head when you talked about the act of forgiveness isn’t passive but rather active. You explained it in a way that caught me off gaurd, which I appreciated. Well done! I’m reposting this to my FB page.

    Reply
    1. Raymond Morehouse

      Thanks Lynda! I am glad that it was helpful!

      Reply

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